CarPlay & Android Auto Activation for Porsche PCM4 + Voice Control

Recognise any of these?

You plug your phone into your Porsche and nothing happens — no CarPlay, no Android Auto, just a charging cable going nowhere.
Your dealer quoted you over $500 to "activate" a feature that's already built into the car.
You bought your Macan or Cayenne used and the previous owner never had CarPlay enabled — now you're stuck with PCM4 but no wireless connectivity.
Every time you drive you're manually fiddling with Bluetooth audio and Google Maps on a phone mount while your PCM4 screen sits there doing nothing useful.
Your mate's 2020 Porsche has full CarPlay and yours — a 2018 — doesn't, even though the hardware is identical.
You called Porsche and they told you it would require a workshop visit, a software update fee, and a wait time you weren't prepared for.

For all Porsche from 2017 to 2019 with PCM4 system
Macan, cayenne, 718 (to current model)
 
After the purchase, you will be receiving digital file and instruction for the update.
 
You need to prepare a SD card or USB flash drive to do the update